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Some historical background (which reads like an episode of The Twilight Zone).
My father passed away in February of 2008. My mother obtained two adjacent cemetery plots.
On my mother's birthday, the following March, 2008, my family and I got
together with her, had a cake, and discussed getting a headstone for my
father's grave. We agreed that we should obtain a military
headstone, available to all veterans from the government as an interim
grave marker. My mother and I agreed to the following inscription
we would want on the stone:
Capt. US Army Corp. of Engineers
Beloved Husband, Father and Grandfather
My mother called to get a copy of my father's discharge papers (DD-214)
from the veteran's administration and an application for the
headstone. She received them within a month. Around spring
break (Easter time) we were visiting my mother and my sister Cecilia
came down from Binghamton to visit also. When my mother showed my
sister what we intended to do, my sister threw a fit and ridiculously
claimed that the cross design on the military headstone was
unsatisfactory and in a temper tantrum, screamed that she would be in
charge of getting a headstone and absconded with the DD-214 and
application for the stone and left for Binghamton.
At this point, my mother was obviously upset and stated that Cecilia has
MS and that she's sick and we should let her calm down before we do
In the summer, around mid July, we were at my mother's house and my
sister Becky was visiting from Florida. While in private, in the
basement of my mother's house, I approached my sister Becky about
talking to Cecilia and agreeing on a headstone. My sister Becky
told me "I've seen Cecilia's CAT scans and MRIs and she has three large
legions on her brain" and Becky told me that Cecilia would probably die
within a year and therefore I shouldn't make an issue of the
headstone. Becky was in dramatic hysterics, tears flowing, that
she was so upset about her sister's condition and apparently shared this
info with my mother earlier.
(It wasn't until several years later that I realized that both I and my
mother were being gaslighted as my sister is still alive and well and
creating discord among all the family members). Not wanting to
upset my mother any further, I didn't bring up the headstone for a
It was always my understanding that my mother would be buried next to my
father in the adjoining plot she owned, and she told me that we could
get a double stone for her and dad after she passed. She also
stated that since the graves could hold two caskets that Cecilia could
be buried with her because my mother feared that Cecilia was on such bad
terms with her husband and children, that her own family might not
properly bury her. My mother's mind was especially burdened with
this worry ever since Becky told her about Cecilia's supposed imminent demise.
As you can clearly see from the photographs, my sister placed a plastic
crucifix screwed to a paving stone as a makeshift grave marker.
Within a couple of years, the plastic laminate sign that was provided by
Matthew's Funeral home, had cracked and weathered poorly. It
appears that it was ultimately damaged beyond repair and eventually it
disappeared. My father's grave was left totally unmarked until my
mother passed away in May of 2017. Apparently, out of
embarrassment, my sister made up a paper sign with my father's name on
it, which coincides with the time my mother was buried, therefore it was
obvious that she didn't want people who attended my mother's funeral to
see that my father had been in an unmarked grave for many years.
As can be seen in the photographs, my sister defied my mother's wishes
and buried my mother on top of my father in the left hand
grave-site. I guess she wanted the right hand grave-site solely for
her own use.
My mother has been gone for almost a year and a half and now neither of
my parents have a headstone, it's like they never existed.
Why my sister would want to punish both my parents by leaving them in an
unmarked grave apparently is a symptom of the cluster B personality
disorder my sister suffers from which is commonly referred to as
malignant narcissistic personality disorder.
UPDATE - NOVEMBER 2018
My parents finally have a headstone on their grave.
Sometime during the course of this last month, a headstone miraculously appeared.
It's a pity that my father had to wait ten and a half years (since his
death) and my mother had to wait a year and a half (since her death) for
this to occur.
It would appear that the existence of this website (for more than a year
now) finally shamed my sisters into doing the right thing.
Although it isn't exactly what I would have chosen for them, never let
it be said that I would withhold credit where it was due. It is a
fitting and nice grave marker.
Rest in peace with dignity my parents. I love you and miss you very much.